Monday, October 10, 2011

Dear mexican sisters!!

i didnt wrote nothing before cause this virtual letters already are very long but i feel that at least i want to share my little story, without critics or offenses to noone, just i want tell the facts that make me make what im making now and have the actual position

many of you meet me when i arrive to mex with anna maria, i was very shy and very devoted i was following everything that tuttors told me , many of you saw the love i create for altai chi the hundred songs i make him, but also many of you know that one part inside me was more soft, many times i was making cheap activities, inviting people for free meetings, and so on.

i left my coutry 4 yeasr ago, when i receive the possibility to travel , i took one ticket to greece, leaving my mother, family, friends, and i started without doubts cause my heart felt that it needed to be
i thank each one of the experiences i has passed trough and even many can beleive different, i thank eternaly to altai chi, cause thanks to him today i can have more complete vission of life and he guide me somehow to be able to be with guru pfaski today .

first time i was invited to house of power was a drem come true. i was going to see my teacher!!! i was super happy, i cannot complainned of what i live there, it develop in me some cualities, like strenght, trust, power.. but in that moment i coudnt understand whay we coudnt make direct questions to teacher.. whay the meetings where just devadassi meetings: we dresses like goddesses, flowers in the head, big make ups, sexy underwearm high heels, etc
i liked that, was new and unusual, my sexuality was unblocking trought this..  but one part of me wanted also to receive support from him, be able to ask him normally, learn about life, etc.
but meeting wher not like this.. we all run very stresed and pushed by the main priesstess, we went to a sala where all the priesstess where and some tutors and teacher spoke about letters, all what i heard from him was about how bad is society, how we need to cut conection with relatives, about stupidity of people, he was laughing about everybody, this seem to me funny and i accepted it without doubts. he was teacher.
inside i wanted to ask him about many things but we where able just to write reports and there i wrote many questions which never received answer.

after this i continue my way, in some moments alone in other with tuttors, i traveled a lot with kargan kenesh to whom i thank forever cause he teached me to try use mind, and i think this saved me in many situations.
i dont want to hide nothing and of course i have attachments to him, is natural he teached me and he took me from the floor thousand times..  in any case im working with this but not trought astrokarate as priesstes make me made cutting to kill this feelings, but with understanding and aceptation.

the moment when everything started to be more confussed for me was after the tantric ritual with altai chi
i need confeess that when i was there in house of power, one part of me, my essence didnt feel, didnt want .. BUT MY MIND in that moment was under deep influence and all the great ilusion about that moment, didnt let me decide or hear my body
i cannot tell that someone push me to act, cause noone pushed me
but was the most strange moment in my life that i can only understand now
in that moment my emotion was very strong  and my respect for him so strong that the crazy thing that i will describe now coudnt change this perception
the priesstess teached me the movements that i should do, this was normal, i also teached after some of that movements to other woman.. but what i didnt like was that they told me that from that moment all my sexual energy needed to be directed to him forever. that i will be like priesstess of him (this prhase manipulate me a lot) and that no other contact could be possible.
after they took me to main house. they gave me one gillete and one aparat to clean feminine organs, all normal but i felt little strange anyway. after i needed to take out clothes and go up the stairs there they gave me one bubble gum to have enought saliva
the hall was full of priesstess and different girls some naked some dressed
all was dark. they took me to one room, i was in trance, the little food, extreme exercise , physical efforts and deep emotional influence have me knoced and my mind was not thinking by itself
the image was very strong, it was not a normal  tantric ritual, altai chi ws laying down and 2 girls where making him oral sex, while other 3 or 4 where sucking his feet and legs,, there where like 6 persons more who where standing near in the dark observing all
i needed to make the same and i started, this was like 10 minutes, after this they make me lay down and close eyes.. but i let open
i saw his face and then the sexual act happend. after this they take me out and let me sleep many hours

next day i wrote my report and some questions.. the answer was one to all.  should go each month there and have many many rituals and not tell noone about it.

from that moment i change inside and i keep traveling but i felt tenssion in tuttors , now i undertand all..   thanks god, during 1 year i didnt go to house of power.. one part of me was jealoussy of other sisters , ut now i thank to god that he protected me
guru says that everybody who had ritual with him need to make ginecological exams .

after my tantric ritual my belly had strong inflamation and utero pain..  they told me was cleanning.. just now i understood was not cleanning was my essence and sensitive body reacting for something that was not exactly good for me.. in the airport kargan kenesh and other tuttor just looked me and i felt in thier eyes like kind of saddnes i coudnt understood in that moment not all is clear..

i coud tell many stories like this

or like the time i went to chile and my mother was in hospital, orientation was not see her anymore, i anyway went to see her cause she was very bad but my ego was so high i felt myself higher than her i make them suffer a lot
2 or 3 times they suggest me to make ritua of  killing mother, with a piece of plastiline and knife. i will not describe , its not neccesary but many of this practices where done in internal level.
im not telling that preisstess where bad and im saint, i repeat noone pushed me to make all this, but i see how slept i was and i had very big ilusion

this ilusion today is being healed and the heart and wisdom of guru pfaski is helpig me to learn to live again not to cheat others, and try help from understanding of my own life and have more higher conection

before all this situation exploted i went to house of power when priesstess where stil there. i felt very strange. the meetings with guru openned my hert, but the other classes where just about how to manipulate people, how to make expensive iniciations, but about love i just heard from guru.
the fasting was very hard, 4 days no eat, and easminka and running, etc..   but i try to make all even i was feeling weak and dissy cause i needed to be strong!!!  now guru told us this kind of fasting is very complicated and need to make it in calm state..

when i came back i had very hard time of suffering and missunderstanding, y even tought to leave everything
thaks god once again i received help and step by step i started to direct all to meet guru

this 8 days i was now with him, i receive like 10 hours of direct classes where i ASKED MANY THINGS AND IN TEARS  i understand the great mistaes i have made
he make me understood that i make my family suffer without eanning, tat if i cannot love them how i can love people, he is teaching me again to feel my body try be more healthy, and not make just crazy practices like robot, and destroy my nervouss system with this.. but to have normal life
in harmony with society
now i just received letter from my familt, where they answer my letter and they thank me thay i broke years of silence and indiference
im not afraid any more
im full of mistakes habbits, i need to change thousand things to continue tecahing, but i will make it under hiis help and support, im alive, im human and i will learn forever!
but i continue thanking altai chi, but i cannot consider him enlighten teacher.. his strenght help me in some moment but i needed to live many things to understand that i almost destroy myself and has perturbated way of existence
i dont wish this to noone

now im working in the project of the yoga ssociation that soon will have centers in all the world and everything will be legalm instructores tuttors will live more nomarly
share normally with people, have simple and healthy life, develop mind.
living in society and not beleiving that we are like king of avtars, while at the same time we hide our mistakes

with this letter i want ask forgive for the wrong teachings that maybe i coudl guve to some of you, im correcting myself step by step again m learning more to use my mind and heart..
i will not judge other sisters cause im also full of faults

just i want to wish you that you can have the opportunity to see whole image and do what the essence tells.
in any case i loovee you all and will keep praying for this division stop

with love

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